Luke's Thoughts
by linguisticsrock
Summary: Just an insight into what Luke was thinking at the pivotal points in his life.
1. River Styx

Luke's Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson or any of it's characters.

This is just a story about Luke's thoughts at different times in the series. They probably won't be in chronological order : )

River Styx

I didn't want to do it. This was sick, it was wrong, it was inhuman. Then again, everything I did lately was inhuman.

I was taking into myself another entity, if that wasn't inhuman I don't know what is. I shuddered just thinking about it.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted the downfall of the gods. I wanted Olympus to fall, I wanted the gods to pay, I wanted them to feel the pain that they had inflicted. But I didn't want to do it this way.

Part of me, the part that had cared for Annabeth and Thalia, wanted to do this nobly. I didn't want to do it through trickery and deceit, I wanted it to be a fair fight, so that when Olympus fell, the gods would not only feel defeated, but disgraced.

But _he_ thought differently, he would be happy as long as the gods were gone, all he wanted was the power.

And to get it he would do anything, including harm me. He wanted me to bathe in the Styx. Apparently the only way my body would be able to withstand withering in his presence, was if I was invulnerable.

If I refused, he would make sure that I died, even without a body he had power. And if I died, I wouldn't see the fall of Olympus.

I thought about Achilles, despite his power and strength, he had only been a man, and in the end it had killed him. Was I like Achilles? Taking on more than any mortal should? Would I die, for a leader that I despised?

But even as I dwelled on this, other thoughts came to mind. I remembered my mother, and how Hermes had abandoned her. I remembered the Garden of Hesperides, and the scar that Ladon had given me.

I remembered all those kids in the Hermes cabin, the ones who weren't claimed. Some had been there for years, feeling unwanted, unnoticed and uncared for, while others were the favorites of their parents.

My resolve once again firmed, burning in my chest. And I jumped.

The pain was unbearable, it seemed to grip my entire being, burning every part of me with ice. I was dying, I was succumbing to the currents of the Styx.

Then I thought of Thalia, how brave she had been, and Annabeth, how innocent she still was. It thought about all the times that we had been there for each other, the times when we had literally been a family. And the pain lessened.

Slowly I dragged myself out of the Styx, completely exhausted. The memories of Thalia and Annabeth hurt even more than the burning in my skin. I was betraying them, I had promised to be there forever, and here I was, leaving them alone.

I was no better than my father.

Review, please!!! Constructive criticism is more than welcome, and flames are expected.


	2. The Shoes

Luke's Thoughts

Disclaimer I do not own PJO or any of it's characters.

Thank you so much to Some Things I Just Don't Know, for giving me my first review on this story!!!

The Shoes

I'd had another dream last night. They were so creepy, yet they struck every raw nerve in my body. All the hurt was brought to the surface, and solutions to it were presented. There was a plan, a plan to get rid of those pig-headed gods. And I was going to be a part of it.

All I had to do was give Jackson the shoes. A simple, yet so complicated plan. By doing it I was ensuring the gods' downfall. But at the same time, I was hurting someone, someone who didn't deserve it.

I wanted the gods gone, never doubt that. But I wanted it so that half-bloods would be protected. If I hurt other people so they wouldn't get hurt, isn't that sort of redundant?

But the dreams. The things I saw in those dreams. A whole world free of the gods, where demigods were no longer pawns. Olympus being torn down piece by piece. I felt jubilant just thinking about it.

But I thought about how much it would take to overthrow the gods, so many people would get hurt, killed even. But think of all the others, the ones who came before and the ones who would come after.

The ones like Thalia.

People who had done nothing wrong, but were hunted, used and completely destroyed all because of the selfish purposes of the gods.

People like my mom.

People who had fallen for the gods, had children with them. Then been ditched with an ADHD, monster-attracting kid. No help for them, no help for us.

It would be worth it. For every life that was lost, two would live in a better time, a better age. An age with a just ruler, who treated us like more than game pieces.

I would do it, I would give Percy the shoes.

An iris message was showing up in front of me. To my surprise, out of the mist Percy and Annabeth showed up. Some terribly loud music was playing in the background, and Annabeth went to go stop it.

The music ended pretty soon. I talked to Percy about how his quest was going so far, and asked if he was wearing the shoes.

I was relieved to hear that he was. He was getting closer and closer to the Underworld, and I wanted him to make a habit of wearing them.

The Iris message was cut off, and I continued roaming around camp, just thinking. Seeing Percy had brought back old demons.

Percy was a nice dude, I did not want to see him sucked down into the depths of Tartarus, much less with Annabeth around.

I shook my head and reminded myself.

It would be worth it.

Review please


	3. Only Way Out

Luke's Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own PJO, if I did, well, you don't want to know.

Thank you to reviewers!!!!

Way Out

I was going to do it. I shut Kronos out of my head and I headed to LA. I was going to talk to Annabeth.

As I got on the plane, I tried to think of a way to do this, I was pretty sure that Annabeth wouldn't welcome me back with open arms. I wouldn't.

I would approach under a white flag, maybe she would think I was worth her time of day. But I wasn't going to get my hopes up.

When I reached California, I looked up 'Chase' in the phone book , there were several, but I remembered her dad's name from several years ago.

I got into a taxi and gave him the address, he looked at my scar funny, but otherwise said nothing. As we pulled up to the drive, I could see Annabeth through an upstairs window, it looked like she was working on blueprints.

I was glad to see that she was getting along with her family better, maybe her story would end better than mine.

I chucked a rock at her window, and as she looked out it, I saw her whole face turn white. I was sure that she thought that she was hallucinating.

I waved around a white square of fabric and beckoned her down, she came.

From the second she came out the door, she was in defense mode, her dagger was out, and she was crouched, ready to pounce.

I recognized the dagger as the one I had given her years ago, I was surprised she had kept it. It wasn't the best weapon in the world, and I had betrayed her, making it's sentimental value zero.

"What do you want, Luke?" Annabeth asked me, her voice shaky. I replied, "Annabeth, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be Kronos' mindless puppet, I want you to run away with me. Like old times."

I could she that she suspected a trap, so I continued, "Please, Annabeth, if you don't do this, I'm doomed. Kronos will use me as a mindless pawn. A stepping stone to get to where he wants. Please, Annabeth," my voice was breaking up, "please, I'm not brave enough to do this on my own. I need you. Please."

She was thinking, analyzing, trying to figure out if it was a trap. Just before she spoke, I could swear that I saw the head of Janus appear just above her head.

"Luke…" she started, "Luke, no. I can't… I can't trust you anymore. You're not the person I used to know. For all I know you could be planning to kill me right now. No, Luke."

And with that she ran inside.

Short yes, but review anyway : )


	4. I Want

Luke's Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any of it's characters. When I rule the world this will change.

I Want

This takes place during the time when Luke was stuck in his own head.

Lately I wanted so many different things. My brain just felt like it wanted a million different things.

I remembered when Annabeth and I were at camp, she had made lists, of what she thought, what her goals were, and what she wanted. This always seemed to work for her. So I tried it.

The fall of the gods

Annabeth to be safe.

Thalia to be safe

Olympus gone

Kronos in charge

I wanted to be avenged.

I looked over my list, it had helped a little, but I was still confused. So I prioritized them. It now read;

The fall of the gods

Olympus gone

Kronos in charge

Be avenged

Annabeth safe

Thalia safe

That didn't look right. In fact it looked completely wrong. I really thought this time. And I rewrote my list in order of things I wanted.

Annabeth, Thalia and I to be a family again

Us three to be happy

My mom better

The gods to apologize

As I looked at my list, I realized that I didn't really want the fall of the gods, I just wanted them to fix their mistakes.

After all I wanted people to forgive me, so why couldn't I open my heart enough to forgive the gods?

What had opposing them brought me? I was stuck in my own head, my body taken over by an uncaring tyrant. I had killed hundreds of half-bloods both on my side and on the gods side. And those heroes, no matter what side they were on, were just doing what they thought was right.

Very few of them felt like doing something that would hurt someone without cause. They just wanted to do what they thought would be best for the generations to come.

Except me, I knew that Kronos would likely destroy everything, including me and the rest of the half-bloods. But I had been so blinded by hatred for the gods, brought on by something that was not even really their fault.

And because of my blind vendetta, I would die.


	5. At Last

Luke's Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own PJO

I was hesitant to write this chapter. It's dangerous territory. Please tell me if it becomes even in the least bit OOC.

At Last

Kronos' army was upon Manhattan. Slowly they creeped to the edges of the Empire State Building, opposed every step of the way.

I watched dozens of half-bloods fall through Kronos' eyes, all of them fighting bravely for what they thought was right.

What was right. I realized now that I was wrong, so wrong. Kronos wanted nothing to do with the well-being of half-bloods, he wanted everything gone. Never to be rebuilt.

Eventually Kronos was able to enter the gods' stronghold. I could feel his annoyance as he had to go up in an elevator, listening to "Stop in the Name of Love", while he was trying to think evil thoughts.

I chuckled inwardly, it _was_ rather ironic. When we reached the top, I could feel Kronos' sense of triumph. This was what he had spent millennium in Tartarus waiting for. All those torturous years had been building up to this.

He walked our body towards the throne room of the gods.

I think that I heard the demigods before Kronos did. He was too absorbed in destroying temples and shrines too notice that the enemy was approaching.

I was in no hurry to let him know. He didn't notice they were coming until they were nearly upon us.

When he did notice, he didn't become worried, in fact he seemed pleased that he would get an audience.

As the heroes entered the throne room, I saw that there were only three. And they were Grover, Percy and Annabeth.

I smiled at their bravery, even when the end was inevitable they fought for the gods, Western Civilization and life itself.

It made me sick, to think how they were enduring to the end, while I hadn't even been there for the beginning.

Kronos taunted Percy, directing his scythe towards Poseidon's throne. Percy jumped into action.

Percy goaded Kronos into using a sword, a weapon he knew how to defend himself from. Percy was good, in fact he was probably the best swordsman of our generation.

But he was a mortal, and Kronos was a Titan. Therefore Kronos was going to win.

However, only one person knew where Percy's weak spot was, and Kronos turned to him. Ethan Nakamuru, son of Nemesis, the last piece of Kronos.

But Ethan did not attack Percy, instead he attacked us. His sword shattered as it rammed against skin that was protected by the Styx.

And then he was on the ground, bleeding, dying, and saying his last wishes. Percy listened intently and solemnly nodded. Swearing that the boy's dying wish would be fulfilled.

Then he was dead, yet another valiant demigod destroyed by Kronos.

Then Kronos turned on Annabeth, I watched, terrified as he tried to kill her. I began trying to worm my way out of my head, regain control.

I struggled to find any holes in Kronos' barriers, trying with all my might to get out.

Then Kronos stood over ready to kill her, and then she said it. She reminded me of my promise to her and Thalia.

With a titanic effort, I shoved Kronos' consciousness out of the way, and once again regained control over my body.

Percy was holding Annabeth's knife, he was completely exhausted, and unable to fight, but still he held his own.

I told him to give me the knife. I saw him hesitate, and told him my reasons, told him that it had to be me. To my surprise, he then handed me the knife.

I could feel Kronos getting ready to shed my body, dispose of it like an old snake-skin. But then I stabbed myself.

The pain was excruciating, it ripped through my whole being, but at the same time, I felt triumphant.

I was the hero I was meant to be at last.

*flinches* Like I said, I was scared to write this chapter. Please tell me what you think.


	6. Heaven and Hell

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any of it's characters.**

Heaven and Hell

I slowly drifted into a black abyss, staying there for what felt like years, but eventually I emerged into a building.

It was full of dead souls, most seemed to be waiting for something, while a few others were arguing with someone in the front. Slowly, it dawned on me that I must be in Charon's lair, the place that he kept dead souls unless they paid him.

If felt around in my pockets, praying to the gods that I had at least one drachma on me. Turns out I found one in my pocket, I could of sworn that I had emptied them, in preparation for battle. But then it dawned on me, Annabeth would make sure that I was taken care of.

I approached the desk, and saw that a man was standing there, arguing with several dead souls. He told each the same thing, "You should have been a doctor! Then you could afford to pay me!" he turned to me, "Ah, another of the fallen half-bloods. Are you able to pay me, hero?"

I nodded silently, and handed him the drachma, Charon eyes glinted at the sight of the gold. "Come with me." He said, gesturing for me to follow him.

Charon led me to a boat and shooed me on, telling me that we would be leaving in about fifteen minutes. I waited on a bench until he came back, waiting. After a lot more than fifteen minutes, Charon brought a few more souls on board and we were off.

I went to the edge of the deck and looked down at the filthy water below. As I watched the water below, I saw that my own hopes and dreams were pouring into the water.

I saw Hermes, my mom and me, all playing together, happy. I saw Annabeth, Thalia and I, sitting around the fire at camp half-blood, laughing. I saw the gods apologizing to their children, all those in the Hermes cabin being claimed.

A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as they disappeared, but I also felt a like a huge hole was missing. Were there was once ambition and longing, there was now… nothing. I shuddered as I felt the loneliness of it. I could always count on myself as a companion, but now all the things that had me, me were just gone.

We reached the opposite bank of the Styx, and I stepped off the boat. I looked around me, taking in the giant, three headed pit bull, Cerberus, the three lines.

I considered just going to E-Z Death, but once I thought about it, I realized that I had the duty to be judged. I had terrible things and great things in my life time. I deserved to know whether I was forgiven or not. And the panel had the right to judge me.

I got in the Judgment line, and waited. The line was moving sluggishly, going about one person every 10 minutes.

Eventually it was my turn, and I slowly entered the room where I would be judged.

The judges were Thomas Jefferson, Mother Teresa and Susan B. Anthony. They looked at me from me behind a mahogany desk, each holding a folder flooded with papers.

"Name?" asked Mother Teresa kindly, opening her folder. I swallowed, "Luke Castellan." I replied, hoping that they hadn't heard about me.

They each began flipping through the papers, each pulling out a thick bunch of papers that I assumed were my life.

Each skimmed over the pages, different expressions crossed their faces as they flipped the pages. They all looked at me and Thomas Jefferson asked me, "What do you think you have achieved Luke Castellan?" I answered him cautiously, "Sir, I don't know. I have done terrible things in my life time. But in the end I believe I was a hero. And, sir, I don't want to make excuses, but I did think that what I was doing was right."

Susan Anthony spoke to me next, "You are right, Son of Hermes, but the question remains, what do you deserve? Should you be sent to the Fields of Punishment for your misled actions? Or should you go to Elysium, for your brave deed at the end?"

Mother Teresa looked me straight in the eye and said, "Luke Castellan, your situation reminds me of the poem, "The Soldiers Last Judgment." Have you heard it?" I nodded and she continued, "I agree with that poem and say that you go to Elysium, you've had your stay in hell already."

Soon after Jefferson declared his decision, "I agree with the mother on this. Luke Castellan you deserved better than what you got."

Last was Miss Anthony, she looked at me with shrewd, analyzing eyes. Then she said, "I shall make the vote unanimous, Luke Castellan, you will have your stay in Elysium. Would you like to try for rebirth, be born again and try to once again reach Elysium?"

I was about to answer her yes, but then I thought about everyone that I still needed to say sorry too, people that were in Elysium, people that I was still waiting for.

"No, I am pleased with my current fate." I told her, and headed out of the door marked, Elysium.

**Look up "The Soldiers Last Judgment" on Google, it's an outstanding, touching poem. But before you do that, please review!**


	7. Elysium

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any of it's characters.**

**I have swine flu and writing is the only thing I can do right now. So here we are :)**

Elysium

As I walked through the door into Heaven, I wondered how I would be received. Only the good half-bloods got into this place. Would they all hate me?

Would they think that I had come to disturb their peace? After all, they had died, they shouldn't have to deal with scum like me anymore.

I walked into the most wonderful place I had ever seen, I was happy with this, I didn't need the Isles of the Blest, this was good enough.

The place was like a postcard, there were picturesque, blue mountains on the horizon, the trees were just changing color, the air was sweet. I remembered the one time I had been to Montana, the air tasted like that, untainted by pollution and people.

As I looked around I saw people, and a big lump grew in my throat. Ethan, Silena, Beckendorf, Michael Yew, all of them were approaching me.

To my surprise they didn't start yelling at me, they all began asking me questions at the same time, "Did Kronos win?" "Is Percy okay?" "Did we beat them?" "What's happening Luke?"

I shushed them all, and reassured them, "The gods won. Now let me tell you the whole story." And I did, from beginning to end. They all listened intently, gasping when something shocking happened, crying when yet another half-blood died.

When I got to the part where I killed myself, they all went quiet, then Michael Yew clapped me on the back saying, "I knew you had it in you! I knew you'd come to your senses!"

I smiled, glad to know that maybe someone hadn't given up on me completely. Then I saw someone. Someone I knew, someone I thought I wouldn't ever see again.

My mother was coming towards me. Not as I had known her, but as the woman that Hermes had fallen in love with.

Her hair was soft again, her eyes were lucid, her hands were now longer bent, and she was coming towards me with her arms wide open.

The rest of the demigods were quiet, and I stood up and started walking towards my mom. When she reached me, she pulled me into her arms.

"Luke, I'm so sorry, darling." she sobbed, "I'm so sorry, you poor child, my poor, poor baby. I didn't mean to Luke, I didn't know what I was doing. I'm so sorry."

She pulled me out to look at me, and she smiled through her tears, "But I knew that this would happen, I knew that eventually you would be the hero you were born to be."

For a minute I didn't know what to do, but finally I said, "No, mom, I'm sorry. It wasn't your fault, I made my own choices."

"You were so brave at the end, honey." she told me, "I saw it, you were so brave. I knew that in the end, nothing would matter but how brave you were in the very end."

By that time I was crying too, and it felt good. I hadn't cried for years, I had come close, but I hadn't given in to it. But now I was crying.

I was crying because I had my mom back, I was crying because the nightmare was finally over, I was crying because I was, at last, a hero.

**Review, please.**


	8. Apologies

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any of it's characters.**

**I'm sorry I haven't been updating, but this fanfic. I don't leave cliffhangers, in other ones I'm a terrible cliffhanger leaver, so I'm required to update those. Anyways, this whole chapter is dedicated to all the apologies that Luke has made.**

**Apologies**

**1) Mother**

**Mom, I'm sorry that I was born. I'm sorry that I burdened you with visions of unhappiness and betrayal. I'm sorry I ran away, I'm sorry that you were sick. I'm sorry that you fell in love with a god who abandoned you. I'm sorry that I ever came back. I'm sorry.**

**2) Thalia **

**I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I made promises that I didn't keep, I'm sorry that I felt the need to rip your heart in two. I'm sorry that I poisoned your tree, I'm sorry that I didn't listen to your advice about the gods. I'm sorry that I gave you false hope. I'm sorry that I died without seeing you. And most of all, I'm sorry that I ever loved you.**

**3) Annabeth**

**I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that took your trust for granted. I'm sorry that our family wasn't permanent. I'm sorry that I never realized just how strong you were until I was dead. I'm sorry that I betrayed you, I'm sorry that I never noticed how important I was to you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be your brother forever.**

**4) Hermes**

**I'm sorry that I never realized that you loved me. I'm sorry that I used you as an excuse for my actions. I'm sorry that I wasn't the son you wanted. I'm sorry that I was a failure.**

**5) Kronos' Army**

**I'm sorry that I never told you the truth, I'm sorry that I led you down a path that would lead to nothing but misery. I'm sorry that I treated you all with disrespect and contempt. I'm sorry that I threw away your lives. I'm sorry that I damned you all.**

**6) The Gods' Army**

**I'm sorry that I never saw that your cause was the right one. I'm sorry that I turned innocents against you. I'm sorry that I undermined your courage and determination. I'm sorry that some of you died for my selfish purposes. I'm sorry that I never accepted the peace that you strived for.**

**I know this is short and I'm pretty sure that it's not my best chapter. Review, please ****J**


	9. Authors Note

It looks like this is the end of Luke's Thoughts, I want to give a big thank you to all of you who reviewed, especially you that reviewed more than one chapter. Honestly, the only reason I'm stopping this is because I can't think of anymore scenes, I may continue if any of you have an idea. I love you all!

-linguisticsrock


	10. Murder

Luke's Thoughts

Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any of it's characters

I know I was going to end this, but there were a couple reviews requesting that I do the part where Luke tries to kill Percy so… here we are!

Murder

I was in the sword fighting arena, hot and sweaty, trying out my new sword. I admired how the weapon arced through the air, destroying everything. I sliced through all of the straw practice dummies, completely demolishing them.

I heard someone come into the room, but continued to fight imaginary opponents. After a few minutes I turned to see who had come in.

It was Percy. All the blood in my body turned to ice.

I acted casual, just talking to him. I told him about Backbiter, then invited him to come and find some monsters with me.

Percy looked a little hesitant, but he caved at the mention of soda, and followed me into the forest. As we walked, I calmed myself, got myself into a cold, analytic mode. It didn't matter that Percy was a half-blood like me, it didn't matter that he had done nothing to hurt me, none of that mattered.

All that mattered was that he was in the way. I wanted the fall of the gods, Percy didn't. Therefore, he had to die.

I reached into my backpack and took out the scorpion.

I was a murderer. I had just killed someone deliberately in cold blood. Percy had no time to defend himself, no idea what I was about to do.

Once I got out of camp, I stopped in a well-sheltered area where no one could find me. Slowly my mind came out of it's icy casing and began to realize what I had just done.

I threw up. As I comprehended that I had just taken a human life, my whole boy rebelled against it. It wasn't natural, it wasn't right to kill someone of my own species, especially when they had done nothing to me.

I had just murdered a man. I had just killed a man with blood, organs and a soul. I had just killed a man with friends and family. I had just killed a man with hopes, ambitions and a future. I had just killed a man who had considered me a friend.

My whole frame was racked with absolute guilt. I had felt guilt before, way more than a person my age should, but never like this.

This was pure emotion, untainted by any reasoning, any vendetta.

I had just committed my first murder.

Review, please!


	11. Relief

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any of it's characters.**

**As I was writing the last chapter, I realized just how much I missed writing Luke, and you guys gave me so many great ideas, that I think I'll continue this. :)**** This chapter sort of corresponds with the last one, it's about when Luke realizes that he didn't murder Percy.**

Relief

When Lord Kronos told me that Percy wasn't really dead, I hadn't believed him. I wouldn't let my hopes get up that high.

He raged and ranted at me, telling me how incredibly worthless I was. But I didn't pay attention. Was it possible that I had not murdered Percy? Was it possible that I did not have his blood on my hands?

The thought buoyed me up, made me feel like I was on cloud nine. For the first time since the incident with Percy, I felt clean.

All the grime, the dirt and the blood that had been on my body from that act, were washed away, partially.

I still had a hard time believing that I had been capable of such a heinous crime. I couldn't comprehend that that I had the ability to commit such an act against another human being.

The feeling I had experienced after trying to kill Percy was one that was still sharp in my mind. Every time I closed my eyes, every time I was in the dark, any time I was surrounded by silence, I would remember that feeling.

It was wrong, for a man to kill a man in cold blood. In the heat of war, it became easier, I had experienced that many times. But to kill someone who had no defense, someone who you had no real vendetta against, it was against the most ancient laws of nature.

But I hadn't really done it, Percy was still alive and well. The Fates had seen fit to keep his string intact, giving him another chance.

Although on the outside, I acted enraged, disgusted and horrified that Percy was alive, in my gut, I felt nothing but relief.

Sweet relief, the giant knot that had resided in my stomach for so long loosened, I could breathe again without feeling guilty that I was drinking in air, while another man was not.

My heart started beating again without pain, I was no longer a subject to my own guilt.

Then, within a couple of months, I saw Percy again. Even though he was robbing me of what I needed, I let him take it.

I wanted him to heal Thalia, I wanted him to finish what he had started.

Plus, I owed him.

**I know it's short, all my chapters are. Review please :)**


	12. Thalia's Tree

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO or any of it's characters.**

**I also had this moment recommended, so here it is :) Sorry to keep you guys waiting for so long.**

Thalia's Tree

It was for the best. I would fix it eventually. She would understand. Dozens of rationalizations ran through my head as I considered the task at hand.

I was supposed to poison Thalia's tree. One of Kronos' monsters had summoned a concoction from the very depths of Tartarus. It was a terrible, inhuman mixture that would kill the tree within weeks.

As I made my way back to Camp Half-Blood, I couldn't ignore the terrible feeling that was growing in my gut. The guilt was eating my insides, slowly creeping it's way through my entire body.

Thalia had doomed herself to save Annabeth and me, and I was about to kill her once and for all. I was completely disgracing her name and her sacrifice by doing this. I was using her to further my plan, one that I knew in my heart she wouldn't approve of, no matter what I told myself otherwise.

As the pine tree came into sight, my blood turned to ice. My mind flashed back to the time before Camp Half-Blood. Thalia, Annabeth and I, a comfortable, trusting family. And even before that, just Thalia and me, best friends.

I realized that I had stopped walking, I was frozen in place. Before I could fully register it, my feet began to back up, trying to get away from the horror that I was about to commit.

But with the good memories of times before these, also came bad ones. Zeus not protecting us until the last minute, Hades sending his horrors after us simply because Thalia was born. And further back than that, my mother's eyes glowing, her screams ringing through the house.

I stepped forward, slowly putting one foot in front of the other, approaching the tree. Bad memories fueled me on, bringing me to the base of the pine.

My body filled to the brim with dread, I took out the vial with the poison in it. It glowed a radioactive purple, casting an eerie glow on everything it was close too.

My hands began to shake as I took the stopper off of the vial, the convulsions got steadily worse I got closer and closer to pouring the contents. Eventually the shaking had reached my shoulders, making the liquid inside the bottle dance excitedly.

I dumped the contents. It dripped down into the soil, starting to fulfilling it's dreadful purpose at once. Even as I watched, I could have sworn Thalia's needles lost a little of their green luster.

Bile rose in my throat as the purple liquid dripped down the trunk, making it's way to the roots, killing Thalia.

I knew that I should be running, if I got caught the whole plot would be completely ruined, but could not get my feet to move. They felt like lead, dense and heavy on the end of my legs, refusing to allow me to escape.

I had done it, I had poisoned my best friend.

**Review, please.**


	13. Sorry: Authors Note

Guys, I'm really sorry but I am experiencing ginormous amounts of writers block write now. It's hard to even sit down and write this darn note. Please excuse me if I take forever to update or the next few chapters of this story suck. I'm really trying to get over this, but it's taking an awfully long time.

If you have any suggestion on how to get over this horrible affliction, or if you know of something that helps you or someone you know, please help me! Also if you have any ideas, I am very open right now.

Thank you very much for reading this and (hopefully) being tolerant of my inner demons. Good bye!


	14. My Mom

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Luke or any of the events in his life**

**Sorry for the horribly long wait! But this chapter is before Luke ran away, so he's still with his mom. He's about 6 or 7 years old in this.**

My Mom

Everybody said my mom was weird. They said that their moms didn't act like that. Their mom's didn't yell or scream or hurt themselves. Sometimes I thought that they were lying, they just didn't want to admit that their mom's were just like mine.

But whenever I went over to Marcus' house his mom didn't act like that. She made us snacks and let us run around all over her house. I tried to tell Marcus that my mom made me snacks, that she let me run around, but he didn't believe me.

Sometimes, I didn't want to go home. After school I would stay on the playground until a teacher told me to go. Then I would walk _real_ slow, and sometimes I would just stay outside my house and not go inside. I loved my mom, I just didn't like it when she went funny.

I figured that I must have been a really bad boy, for Mommy to yell at me like that. So I tried real hard to be good, but I must have been bad without knowing it, because she kept yelling at me. I got scared sometimes, and hid in the closet. But then I would hear Mommy crying, because she didn't know where I was.

When I was really little, I remember Daddy used to come and help Mom. He would hold her and tell her it was all right. When she was real bad, he would take me outside and let me cry. He didn't come hardly ever any more, I guess he thought I was old enough to take care of Mommy now.

I tried real hard to take care of Mom while Daddy was gone. I made sure that her room was clean and that she got breakfast every single morning. My teacher said that breakfast was the most important meal of the day.

Marcus' mom asked me lots of questions about my mommy when I was at her house. I only told her the good things though. Like when my mom made me Kool-Aid, and when we went to the park to play. I never told her about when Mom got mad at me, I didn't want her to know that I was bad.

Sometimes my teacher asks questions too, but I didn't tell her either. The only person I ever told was Marcus and Miss Tyla. Miss Tyla was my story hour teacher, and she understood everything. I told her that I was a bad boy, and that my mom yelled at me, for being so bad. I told her that Daddy hardly ever helped anymore, and that it was my job to take care of Mommy know.

Miss Tyla had looked worried, so I told her a lie. I told her that things were getting better. But really, things just seemed to get worse. Mommy yelled more than ever, and she hardly ever took me to the park anymore.

She needed me to make her breakfast every morning now, and sometimes she wouldn't eat it. I told her that my teacher said that breakfast was important, but I don't think she listened to me. I decided that maybe she just wasn't hungry.

When I went home today, I didn't walk slow or stay on the playground. I went real fast, so that I could help Mom. Our teacher told us today that we needed to help people, and I was going to try real hard to be a 'Happy Helper' to my Mommy.

I came in the door, and found Mom on the kitchen floor again. She was sleeping, so I woke her up. I got scared, when her eyes turned green again, but I tried to be brave and help her. She started screaming, but instead of hiding, I held her hand, like Daddy used to.

But she didn't want me to hold her hand, and she shook her arm until I let go. I started to cry when she pulled her hair, but I wouldn't leave her alone. I stayed by her in the kitchen, and tried to tell her that it was alright, but she wouldn't listen to me.

Daddy would be disappointed, that I wasn't taking good care of Mommy.

**I know it's a pretty bad ending, but I wasn't sure how to wrap it up. Review, please**


	15. Return

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO**

**Sorry this hasn't been updated in forever! This takes place when Luke goes to ask his Mom for permission to bathe in the Styx.**

Return

I approached the door slowly, stopping every few steps. My feet felt like lead as I dragged them forward. I had sworn I would never come back, and yet here I was.

Thoughts about abandoning this and jumping in the Styx without her permission raced through my mind. She wasn't a real mother anyway. I didn't want anything to do with her. Yet I felt an unwilling hand raise itself and knock.

I stood stock still as I waited for door to open. My heart seemed to beat impossibly fast, and I felt my palms get sweaty. The door cracked open and I was looking at May Castellan.

My breath caught in my throat as I looked at my ruined mother. Her hair hadn't been brushed in ages, her clothing was ruined, and she… she looked broken. Over the years I had forgotten the look of absolute hopelessness that existed in my mother's eyes.

She beamed up at me, "Luke! I knew you would come home, eventually. Why are you so late? Did you get held up at school? You've always been such a good student, I don't know why they would keep you there for more than 7 hours already."

She grabbed hold of my arm and heaved me inside. "I made your sandwich and Kool-Aid. They're sitting on the table, and today I made you a treat! Some chocolate chip cookies, just for you. I hope they're not burnt, I forgot about them for a few minutes, but I'm sure they'll taste fine."

She kept talking, unaware that I had been gone for years and years. I felt a stab of pain as I looked at what used to be my home. Piles of dirty dishes, old food rotting everywhere and the overwhelming stink of neglect. My mother had felt no pain over my loss, she hadn't even realized I had been gone for more than an hour.

I pushed away the food she shoved at me and said, "Mom, I need your permission to bathe in the Styx." As I expected she kept blathering on as if she hadn't heard me. I stood up and grabbed her by the shoulders. "Mom, I need your permission to bathe in the river Styx."

She looked at me with her kaleidoscope eyes, and nodded compliantly. "Of course, Luke, anything you need. Do what you want, you're such a good boy, I trust you. Of course I do."

I turned on my heels and began walking toward the door. A pair of hands wrapped around my ankles, restraining me. I looked behind me, May Castellan was on the floor, she was desperately clutching my leg.

She began crying. Huge, heart-wrenching sobs shook her body. "Don't leave again, Luke. I'm sorry! Please, just don't leave!" She became incoherent, and words were lost in gargles and moans.

She did know I had been gone, she had missed me. I knelt down next to my mother and said softly, "It's okay, let go Mom, everything's fine." She let go of me. I picked her up and set her on the couch, wrapping her in a blanket.

"I'll be back, I promise. I'll come back. But I have to leave now." She nodded compliantly, tears running unchecked down her face.

"Such a good boy." she crooned, "You're such a good boy."

I heard her start crying again as I headed for the door but she didn't move from where I had placed her.

I ignored her, and set out to find my master.

**Weak ending, I know. Review, please.**


	16. Family

**Luke's Thoughts**

**Disclaimer: I do not own PJO.**

**This chapter takes place when Luke, Annabeth and Thalia are on the run, before they met Grover.**

**Family**

Annabeth and I all sat in our shelter, shivering from cold. Thalia was out looking for wood and tinder to start a fire. I held Annabeth close, trying to keep her warm in the autumn night. The wind pounded on the sides of our make-shift thicket. I wished that we were in one of our caves instead of here.

Thalia came back weighed down with material. I rushed out to help here bring it inside and set up something resembling a fire-pit. I took out my stolen box of matches, carefully lighting one and placing it in the wood. The stuff was dry and burned easily, quickly filling the space with heat.

We all relaxed as the warmth washed over us. We each grabbed a granola bar from our bag and laid all over each other. Thalia was on my feet, and Annabeth was on my stomach. Annabeth had her feet resting on Thalia's legs.

In comfort we chewed our food, thinking about stuff. Annabeth was the first to speak. "Hey, Luke, how come _you _ran away?"

I felt my body tense up, but Annabeth continued.

"Thalia's mom was a drunk, my parents didn't want me, but why did you leave?" Thalia looked at me piercingly, she knew why.

"I just didn't like it there, Annabeth." I told her, my story was not one for children.

Annabeth didn't even question my explanation, she nodded and said, "Oh." That was it, she trusted me that much. With all her intelligence, she wouldn't see through the lie.

I sighed, and we fell into comfortable silence again. Eventually Annabeth fell asleep, leaving Thalia and I alone. I was about to start talking again, when I saw that Thalia was asleep as well.

I smiled as I looked at my family. It wasn't easy, this life, but it was worth it. The sense of togetherness, and the reliance we had on each other, it was all marvelous.

All the running, the hiding and the fighting, it was all a side note to the feelings of love and trust. I had never been able to rely on someone before, everyone in my life had abandoned me.

Dozens of people had floated in and out of my life, each disappearing as quickly as they came. I had been discarded by too many people. Until now.

Thalia and Annabeth were dependable, I always knew where they were. They stayed by my side, no matter what happened, and I tried my best to return the favor.

My biggest fear these days was not of monsters or attacks. I was so afraid that I would betray Annabeth and Thalia. They were broken, like me, and I was terrified that I would let them down. As the oldest of us they both looked to me for support, especially Annabeth.

I swore to myself that I would live up to the standards they set for me. I would not fall short, I would not leave, no matter what I _would _be there.

**Review, please.**


	17. Weight of the World

Luke's Thoughts

Disclaimer: I own nothing PJO

This takes place in The Titan's Curse, it was when Luke took the sky, then gave it to Annabeth.

The Weight of the World

I was apprehensive to carry this out, to say the least. In truth, I was terrified. When Kronos had shown me his plan, it had seemed so simple. I had gone to Los Angeles, making my way up to Atlas at sunset.

When I saw the Titan, I could feel the blood drain from my face. The enormous man was nearly being pushed into the ground, his knees sinking deep into the soil. Sweat streamed from every pore, and his face was contorted in agony. His limbs shook with effort, and every few minutes he would cry out despairingly.

I couldn't do this! Even the few minutes that were required of me would kill me. Sure, I was strengthened by the Styx, but not _this _strengthened. Not to mention… Annabeth would be holding the sky for much more than a few minutes. She would surely die, crushed between two invisible forces. I shut those thoughts out of mind, Annabeth didn't matter, and quite frankly, neither did I. The fall of Olympus was the only important thing, and if I had to die or kill to bring it to pass… so be it.

My hands shook slightly as I gave my proposition to Atlas, he listened intently, not saying anything until the very end. When I finished, he replied, "Yes, godling, I shall gladly give up the sky, for whatever price. At last Kronos will rise, and the Olympians, they shall carry my burden." A flash of madness crossed his face, mixing with a spasm of pain.

I nodded stiffly, and began my trek back down the mountain.

"He has agreed, Lord Kronos." I said softly, speaking to the dark pit before me. I was asleep, but this was no dream. I heard a grumbling rise from the black that I assumed was assent.

"I will go tomorrow to take the sky from him." I paused briefly before continuing, "You shall summon the girl, and we will ensnare Artemis. Your plan will unfold magnificently, my lord." I stopped, waiting for the pressure in my mind that told me he would begin speaking.

"Yes, godling, it shall."

Lifting my feet felt like a monumental task as I headed up the mountain. They felt as if they were made of lead, protesting each step. I gritted my teeth and made myself forget what would come when I reached to top.

As I approached Atlas I could hear him groan, anxious to get the burden off his back. I refused to let myself think as I knelt beside him. For a split second, the Titan hesitated. Then he bolted out, leaving me to hold the sky by myself.

All thoughts were obliterated from my mind. I was burning, melting under the pressure. For the first time since the plan had been presented, I wanted Annabeth to take the bait.

I was sure that I had gone blind. I couldn't see anything, even when my eyes were open. Black dominated my vision, with small specks of light, like stars, interrupting the darkness. I couldn't hear either. The only noise registering in my brain was the roaring taking place in my ears.

Somehow, I managed to sense Annabeth's presence. I genuinely pleaded with her, not even thinking about the plan. I would die if left here any longer. I felt the burden get suddenly lighter, as if half of it had been taken off. I glanced over to see Annabeth holding the sky as well.

I rolled out, feeling as if I was floating. Everything felt so light, and I shuddered as I looked at the sky above me. For a split second, I pitied Annabeth, then I felt the cold, icy personality inside me emerge, taking hold of my emotions. I briefly thanked Annabeth, then went to fulfill the rest of the plan.

Review, please.


	18. Alone

**Luke's Thoughts**

**This chapter is about how Luke felt after Thalia was turned into a tree. Dedicated to my worst enemy/bestest friend, Sam Skywalker.**

**Alone**

I woke up plastered with sweat, my muscles aching from tension, and taking a breath in to scream.

I quickly shut my mouth, holding back the shout that had been about to escape me. Despite my best efforts, a few tears began to dribble down my face. It had been the same nightmare, the one I'd been having twice a week for almost a month, yet the terror never let up.

The hill, the lightning, the monsters, Thalia fighting, me bleeding, Annabeth screaming. All of it was reenacted while I was in the realm of Morpheus.

I laid back down, breathing hard. The slow trickle of tears soon became a silent torrent, which developed into wracking sobs. For the first time since that first day, back in the infirmary, I just let myself cry.

I'm sure several of my cabin mates woke up, but they politely ignored my hysterics and fell back asleep. I was glad, I didn't want a shoulder to cry on, I wanted Thalia back.

I ran through my memories, laughing through my tears as I remembered when we had gone to see Star Wars for the first time. I focused on that, reliving every moment of it. I remembered Thalia nearly falling out of her chair when the main characters name was revealed as 'Luke.' Then when I asked her why it was so funny she had said, "Because _you _will never be awesome enough to use the Force!"

I smiled, from that moment on we had been Star Wars buddies. We had discussed seriously the impact of the Dark Side. Thalia had cried when Anakin had pledged himself to the Emperor. We had both gasped in shock and disgust when Darth Vader killed the younglings. We chorused loudly about how Obi-Wan needed to shave his beard, and do another flip.

I felt the tears start to abate as I thought about it. There had been bad times with Thalia too, we had fought viciously with each other. But stuff like Star Wars buddies made it all worth it.

I just couldn't accept that she was gone. I know that sounds clichéd, but it's the truth. I would find myself turning to say something to her, or preparing what I was going to tell her when I saw her next. It was just so hard to comprehend.

I hid my emotions during the day, for Annabeth. She was going through enough, she didn't need to see me slowly falling apart. With one of her role models gone for good, I was all she had left.

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I would be strong, for Annabeth.

**I love you, Sam.**


	19. The End

**Hello! **

**Just letting everybody know that I'm wrapping this story up. I appreciate all the support I've received from you people, you've all been great. So many people read all the chapters, left several reviews, alerted, favorited, left ideas, all that good stuff. I want to thank all of you.**

**You should also probably know that this is probably the last of me you'll see in the PJO fandom, I've just gotten sort of bored with it. If any of you are interested in Rangers Apprentice or Doctor Who and would like to continue to follow my work, those are the fandom's I'm currently working in.**

**Thanks again to all of you wonderful readers!**

**Lots of love-**

**linguisticsrock**


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